Thy Rod and Thy Staff, They Comfort

Dream last night:

In my dream, I was propped up on some pillows in my bed, annoyed, because I could not fall asleep and I really needed it. The reason for this is that the IHOP–KC nightwatch was in my room, singing and playing just as if it were a normal set in the prayer room. As the team transitioned out so that another could replace them, the worship leader patted me on the shoulder and said, "Thanks for being so faithful in the place of prayer." This was even more irritating, because then I felt guilty for being irritated in the first place for not being able to sleep while prayer was going on.

I didn't get it in the dream, but I did when I woke up! Oh, how good it is to have the Lord's triple-whammy correction:

1. I make a distinction in my mind between prayer room time and alone time.

I am so grateful for the prayer room. I am so grateful to have a place where everything around me is enticing me and pushing me forward to press into God—into love, adoration, praise of the worthy one. I love it in there, and I can enter into true worship there. My heart comes alive in worship and prayer. But most of the time, the Lord encounters me in a deeper, more direct way in the secret place.

The problem is that in the prayer room, I'm reminded to press in. In the secret place, I'm not, and I don't press myself to remember (I don't really press myself to remember much of anything). We are supposed to "pray at all times." But I have a hard time engaging when I'm alone. Why? Because...

2. I don't fully believe that He's always with me.

When I'm alone, I don't consciously remember His nearness. I drift off in my mind—not that it's wrong to drift off . . . but I need greater revelation of how He never leaves; He never, ever, ever leaves. I was irritated in my dream because the two spheres of my life were colliding and disrupting my "me-time." But there is no me-time. There's me-and-Him-time, me-and-Him-and-others-time, and nothing else.

I want real understanding of the reality of our communion on a consistent basis.

3. I love sleep.

Woe.