ReBoot.

The prodigal son story always gets me right in the ol' kicker. I so identify with that son, and I so have a longing that those who cast themselves away from the love of God get a new revelation of that love and are brought back into the house. Or I used to have this good longing, anyway.

Recently I found out that I might have a little of the older brother in me. Oh Lord, I never saw that coming! I thought I was pretty humbled indeed! But I find myself getting jealous when the Lord shows His love to the brethren in ways that I have been crying out for in my own heart. And this jealousy (which is supposed to motivate me into a deeper longing and place of openness before the Lord) sometimes turns into an accusation in my heart against the Lord for the "unfairness" of how He doles His love out. How ridiculous.

Let's analyze this, y'all.

Entitlement - Where does this come from? Where is the line between expecting in faith that the Lord will hear and answer us, and expecting Him to hear and answer because we now somehow deserve it more? How do we receive our identity in the Lord as sons, and as His beloved, but keep humility in all things?

Well, I don't know about you, but with me it's a huge cycle. I believe I'm His son, I get proud/entitled, He shows me, I repent and humble my heart, I forget I'm His son and become the servant, He reminds me that He loves me as His son, I believe it, my heart is renewed, I get proud/entitled, He shows me, I repent and humble my heart, I forget and become the servant.

Sometimes I think most of the lessons I learn are in humility, and most of the places in my heart that are dark, when I delve into them, lead me to the knowledge of pride in me. It is amazing to discover all the different ways one single person can be proud. The lost man, proud of His sin and shame, miserable, but believing it's too big for God's grace. The duty driven man, proud of his performance and dedication, how necessary he is to others. The spiritual man, proud of how much more the Lord works through him than others. The intellectual man, proud of his knowledge. The showman, who performs well and knows it. The counselor/mentor with good intentions, but the belief they can save people with their wisdom. Basically any gifting, anything you are good at or bad at, and anything that you create your identity around, can be an area of pride.

In one way or another, all these separate us from the true light. We don't earn any points with God, which frustrates all our ideas about the "progress" we make. When we compare ourselves to the perfection that God calls us to instead of the people around us, we remember that only His Word over us and His mercy to us makes us worthy of the calling.

Keep us humble. Give us right understanding of your love, give us right understanding of your mercy. Thank you for your gentleness in correcting us.