First Place

Last night I had a dream about my future children–they were serious and passionate people, and I remember knowing how outside of them I was. Even my children, who depended on me, were still, like all others, outside of me, separate in a place unreachable.

I don't know if I will have a family. It used to be something I took for granted: that I would grow up and go through all the normal stages one after another, end up married with kids in a little cozy house with a normal, average, American life.

But one night, the Lord showed me a picture of my ideal life, of where I assumed my life was going: a little white house with curtains blowing in and out of shuttered windows, a little path to the front door, a green, plant-filled yard yard and woods in the back. And in the house, I knew, warm and safe, was my husband and my kids.

And He asked me: "Are you willing to give this up for Me?"

First of all, it was an insight into my own heart: I had never really known how much I wanted this in the future, or how much I expected it. And second, it was God's mercy in showing me where I needed to align myself with Him. How many dreams do we have, even unwittingly, that we place above Him in the great hierarchy of our desires?

The other day I was listening to a teaching by Allen Hood from IHOP. He was talking about how he had bargained with God as a youth for the timing of the return of Jesus. Do we really want His return above all other things? Do we really want it now? I think it's pretty common for us to say: "Well, I hope I can experience marriage before You come back. And maybe parenthood, or maybe grand-parenthood. You know what? How about You return when I'm on my deathbed anyway. It would be really great then; it would really be better for my schedule."

Of course, when the Lord showed me the picture of my ideal and gave me that challenge, He wasn't saying necessarily that I would not ever have it. He was saying: "Are you willing to place Me at the top of the dreams of your heart? Will you to lift Me above the hopes for your life on earth? Will you desire Me above the rest? Are you able to say with a full heart, 'Even so, Lord come'?"

On the earth right now, there are millions of people who need Him to come right now, establish justice and His throne, and rescue them from wickedness, poverty, and slavery. With my comparatively comfortable, American life, it's easy to forget them in all the plans that I make.

So that is the challenge.

Thank you, Lord, for the grace to see where I don't place you first. Come make our hearts pleasing to You. Give us the longing for God, for Your will to be done, and for Your kingdom to come on earth as it is in heaven.